I am taken back to my days in India while reading Diana Eck’s account of her days in the holy city of Varanasi on the Ganga. I recall my time there wandering the labyrinthine alleys to the open space at river’s edge. Mesmerized by the men in their dyotis dipping in the holy river. Washerwomen pounding the water out of brilliantly colored saris spread out on the steps leading down to the river. The rhythmic pounding is in time with my own heartbeat in this strange and seductive land.
Alone I stare out over the smoldering ghats where bodies are being cremated. The smell stings the inside of my nostrils and I am reminded of how far away from home I am. I have traveled hundreds of miles from Delhi by train to meet a friend here. For days I dread the trip – my first solo in country. Yet I yearn to ride the historic rails, to make the cosmic journey with my fellow travelers.
At night on the train, I lay awake in my berth listening to the strangers’ snores. Earlier I marveled at the women’s ability to remain so modest in this mass of humanity. Saris are so practical – providing cover for a nursing baby or while one squats outside to urinate, shade from the sun, or privacy for the sleeping traveler.
During the day, emerald green rice patties flicker past my window. The shade and tint of green is astounding. I’ve never seen anything like it before. The thin shoots are iridescent, shimmering in the sun and water.
At night, my body gently sways back and forth with the train, and I remember how my mother rocked me as a child. I am learning to rock myself now. Facing my darkest fear, I chose this journey now. Like my outward adventures, this inward odyssey with my ill mother takes me to the remotest places in my head (and perhaps too my heart) where I feel like a foreigner. Indeed, we humans are the darkest of continents. The inner landscape resonates with the sounds of strange birds and mighty beasts. I go deeper and deeper into the jungle, searching for signs of life, my own.
Post contributed by Christina Derrick. Christina is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Family Resource Center in Camden, SC. She has been working in the field of intimate partner violence for more than 15 years in the public, private and non-profit sectors. Christina worked for more than 10 years and in 12 countries for CARE International and the United Nations. Christina has been a speaker for a variety of local, national and international forums. She is passionate about gardening, reading, world music, multi-cultural opportunities, meditation and laughing.
